My Approach to Relationship Work

I combine multiple approaches to couples work.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

I love EFT for couples work. It views relationships through an attachment lens and uses emotions as a way of “going in.” EFT presents a useful way to look at negative interaction cycles (aka arguments), slowing them down, and holding them in our hands. Through this, you can see what is fueling the dynamic and ultimately find a way to escape feeling trapped in it.

Narrative Therapy

This is a post-modern therapeutic approach. Narrative therapy locates “the problem” not in the individual but between individuals, and has a helpful technique called an “Externalization Exercise” where we can look at issues as something existing outside of us.

It also focuses on the stories we tell to craft our identity and our understanding of ourselves, and how we can thicken strands of narrative that support our autonomy, agency and growth, while thinning those that keep us feeling stuck or put us in the role of victim.

Gestalt

I cannot claim to be a Gestalt therapist, but have had the honor to work closely with Gestalt therapists, and Gestalt’s approach resonates strongly with me. I believe in being completely authentic with my clients, an approach valued in Gestalt; this sometimes includes sharing hard but therapeutically useful truths. Gestalt focuses on what is happening in the present moment, and centers the relationship of the therapist and clients, using the differences in perspective as a way to learn and grow. Gestalt also focuses on “process” in a way that is useful for couples work.

Design Thinking

I worked for decades as a graphic designer, user interface designer, and user experience designer. My approach to working with design mirrors how I work with interpersonal issues:

• What is the goal?

• What are the elements that we have to work with: assets and constraints

• What is the current process?

• What appears to be blocking the process from achieving its goal?

• What needs to be added or removed to do this? And how?

• Continue to iterate and make adjustments as needed.

I think relationally, systemically and visually, and frequently draw on metaphors and archetypes in this work.

Working Together

The most important factor contributing to therapeutic outcome is the work you’re able to put in to making changes in your relationship outside of therapy. The second most important factor is the relationship with your therapist. It’s important to work with someone with whom you feel comfortable, who feels like they care, and who you trust and feel like you can open up to.

The work is highly individualized and deeply personal, meaning that it feels completely different with every client.

I approach this work with flexibility, creativity, gratitude, joy, humor, and humility, and I would be honored to assist you on your journey towards healing and relationship growth.